Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
our cab driver is having phone sex.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
