my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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