If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Randomize
