I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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