I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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