Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
