I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
