it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
