Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
