She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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