Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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