Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Jerry, you need to find god
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Randomize
