That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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