So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
