Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
