I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize