..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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