I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
