I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
