I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
