weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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