just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize