that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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