how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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