My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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