it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
