I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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