The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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