She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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