At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She's the barista slut.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
