Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
