So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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