I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
