Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
