remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
it's like heaven, but drunker
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Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
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As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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