Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
