I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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