You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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