My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
