whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
