dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
