Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
