And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
