I just cut my nipple shaving
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
