spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
