I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
