loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
