That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
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Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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