I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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