Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
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