Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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