This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.