i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED