So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
How does it feel to date your dad?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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