But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
if only i could text you this smell
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
