Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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