I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
