I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
3 2 1 whiskey
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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