My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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