I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
