and you said cock pushups were impossible
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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