i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
