respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
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I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
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It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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