omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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