we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
