The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
