Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
