I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
