R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
