Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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