It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
