Your mouth is God's brothel.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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