This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize